Some More STRETCH Goals!
about 1 year ago
– Mon, Jan 30, 2023 at 05:24:20 PM
Ok, time to talk about these new stretch goals—the ones unlocked, and heck, let’s talk about the locked ones also!
SO what DID we unlock? It’s Goatso of the Demonlands! Not to be confused with GORZO, the lovably evil mascot of the Fan-Fuckingtastic Friends. Goatso wanders the dreaded Demonlands with his Familiar Sister Mother Chaos (the severed head of a corrupted nun). What’s he doing in the Demonlands? Well, he’s in charge of punishing any diabolical entity that isn’t displaying a proper amount of wickedness, ensuring the punishment doled out to sinners is as severe as possible and making sure any demon “half-assing” it gets that ass torn in half (quarter?). AND holy shit, that Familiar is INSANE… really, it might be broken, and at a minimum, it’s going to make for one BRUTAL game! Do you take the damage and let him get power… or do you take the Limp Wands so he can’t buy the Legend this turn? Man, that’s rough!
The ART is amazing and it comes from a VERY talented gentlemen: Matt Stikker. I have been following Matt on social media and REALLY love his art. That he agreed to be part of all this nonsense was a huge thrill! Please go check out his art… it’s truly amazing https://mattstikker.bigcartel.com/ You should also follow him on Instagram so his work graces your timeline… like a treat! He is @bargainbinblasphemy
Let’s look at our Retro Familiar for my boy Skullzor. (If you haven’t had the chance to read all the AMAZING updates I did for the first Kickstarter, you should check them out… they are gathered on the Epic Spell Wars website, like this one about Skullzor: https://epicspellwars.com/skullzor-wtf/) His Familiar is Trail of Destruction, because of course it is! WOW, double damage from your next Attack and shit, look at that Defense. Attacking me with a Legend? TAKE 20!!!! Hahaha, awesome.
Drumroll.. our next ESW 6 Champion Wizard and Familiar are Warlord Weensy of the Wee Warlocks and Stabby Wee… the most Stabby of an already Stabby group! The Wee Warlocks are a cute group of blue dudes just living in a village hamlet, with their Pappa Warlord… so Stabby Wee has +3 Power (very good) AND if you play him first, any Attacks this turn punish players even if they defend (HAHAHA, STAB!).
THE NEXT stretch goal after THAT STRETCH goal will give you more Spellbooks! Fuck ya!
Keeping the Skullzor love going, let’s look at his Spellbook! It’s the Codex of Carnage (gotta love alliteration!) and look, it’s getting melted by his trademark hot-pink vomit acid! So what’s it do? Just what you would expect: Destroy cards. And how do you do you make it happen? Killing other Wizards, of course! So cool…
And finally, we have Guide to Rubbing One Out for our resident genie. Get it, you rub a lamp and OUT comes a genie… but also it’s a masturbation joke! Hilarious! This is a great example of a fun utility Spellbook that comes into play early and give you a great Ongoing ability. BUT also if you WISH you could just get that one card in the line-up that is out of reach, you can sack it and make the wish a reality! TOP-DOWN design!
So there are some stretch goals. Hope you dig the cards. But on a more serious note… I made a mistake on the Gen Con Spellbooks. They will NOT be in foil. I am updating the graphic to reflect that, and I wanted to make sure you knew in time if that changes your mind. And to be clear NONE of the Spellbooks will be in foil… the card art wasn’t designed around that so we will not be doing it.
Love you very much,
Cory
